When I first left for Spain, I remember driving to the airport with my mom, not being able to speak and being constantly at the point of tears. She asked me how I was doing, and I remember that all I could do was shake my head. Then my mom said something that I will never forget. She said "I know that it hurts a lot to leave. It is because we are a part of your heart, and it hurts whenever you leave part of your heart behind you".
Well, that is how I feel today. I know that I should be happy and optimistic, because good things are waiting for me back at home, and I get to see my family and friends after 9 months. I should be okay, because I know this isn't the end of my time here in Spain, I know that I will be back. But part of my heart is here, and it hurts to leave it behind me. So these next few days, I guess that is what I am dealing with. Not sadness that I think I will never see my friends and family here in Spain again, I know that I will (although not as often as I would like, I am sure), or that I won't have my favorite bottle of wine available to be at the grocery store for under 2 euros (that just plain sucks, man!). No, not that. This is hitting me hard because in the past 9 months, I have planted myself here, created a life for myself, a life that I actually really love and want to continue with, but right now it has to be put on pause, and uncertainty dictates EVERYTHING from this point onward.
So, yes, my friends. I know that "everything will be okay" eventually, and that I will feel better the second I see my family, or get to chase my cat around the house trying to get her to give me a hug. I know that life goes on, but right now I have a heavy heart that knows it is leaving behind a big pedazo. I will come back to get it someday, or maybe it will find its way back on its own, but all I know now is that part of my heart is here, it hurts to leave, and I am feeling that big time.
Don't get the wrong picture. I am not sitting here moping and moaning in my last hours in Villa. As one of my good friends so wisely shared with me last night, the memories that I take from here won't make me sad, they will make me happy that I got to experience them in the first place. I'll smile whenever I hear our favorite songs that we all belted out in the early morning hours, and I will crack up laughing every time someone says "grenade". The list could go on and on, but the point is that for me right now, happy and sad are sitting quietly together on a bench holding hands, coexisting, and letting one another live.
I write this to share with you all who have been praying for me and supporting me these past 9 months that this has been, without a doubt, the best experience of my life. Although it is hard to leave it behind, I am left with so much joy to have been able to meet the people I met here, see the things that I saw, and figure out my life a little bit more, which is another journey in itself ;). I am leaving now, but this place will always be a part of me, and I think that a part of me will always be here too.
But for now, I am still here, and soon off to the plaza to have a drink with some of my friends, and to enjoy the hot sun that only central Spain can bring me. Chin-chin!
Love,
Mary
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